Love may hurt, but sometimes self-love hurts the most. We've combed through the medical journals to find the most horrific examples of masturbation mishaps. From misplaced household items to self-mutilation to accidental death, it's all here, and it's all true.

There's a simple lesson to be learned from all this. Whenever possible, masturbate with a friend. Don't go it alone. It's just too dangerous.

Also, be sure to check out our new section of reader-submitted horror stories. You won't believe what kind of trouble people are getting themselves into.